Bridge Problem

Dear Dr Knowledge:

I am playing the South position. West is the dealer. I open with one heart. My partner responds one spade. I bid two clubs, and he tries two diamonds. Our opponents pass. How should I proceed?

Bridge Junkie

Bridge philosophically considered
In approaching the game of bridge, as in all activities, it is important to reduce the situation to its most basic propositions. Ask yourself: Why do I play bridge? The answer: To win. Then ask yourself: What do I win? And the answer, if you are playing for money, is: Money. So, obviously, following this methodology, combining what propositions we can be absolutely certain of and placing them in the most rational and straightforward way, the question then becomes: How do I get my opponents money? To which then the simplest answer is: To shoot them and take their money.

Yes, but how?

Shooting your opponents, while you hold two clubs with the bid before you of two diamonds, is a most difficult matter requiring strategy, forethought and execution. West, with three aces, five hearts, and the queen of diamonds, passed both rounds. This shows he is the reckless, gambling type, liable to try and make a hero out of himself the moment your intentions are made known. It is imperative, therefore, that you at least wing him before he can do any damage. Your partner, with the six, five and three of clubs, plus his three of hearts and bid of two diamonds, has given every indication of possessing a stout and game character. Count on him to follow up your first shot with a lead from either a bottle or a knife. But beware, West still holds the nine, four and two of clubs, meaning this will not be a cake walk. Do not get too anxious to do it all. Attacking firmly yet cautiously while letting your partner take up the slack would be the best way to proceed.

East is another matter. Obviously, having passed after your one spade bid and having the eight and seven of both diamonds and clubs, he is clearly of a craven and cowardly character. More than likely your first attack will fill him with terror. He will be struck dumb, but then he will run. But where to? Again, consult the cards. He held the nine and three of diamonds and yet passed on a diamond bet. This means he doesn’t trust his legs. Additionally, holding the six and three of spades, means he will seek safety in a confined place. So, obviously the way to proceed then is to have your partner cover the exits while you seach the house for him. No doubt he will be found hiding in something like the linen closet or behind the bathroom curtain. My hunch would be the pantry. Having located him, now is the time to be aggressive. Do not let it deter you that he still holds three trumps in his hand. Your trumps cover him. Blasting away at the door, completely emptying your magazine, will be the best policy here.

Aftermath

Once you and your partner have completed this gambit, help yourself to all the money you can find and then go out and try and strike up another bridge game.

Cindy Williams (US Bridge Champion 1997-2002)