Cloudy pools are the scourge of civilization. This blight results from particulate matter, usually carbonates and sulfates, being forced out of solution by imbalanced water, perhaps worsened by the introduction of high temperatures, low humidity, intemperate winds, driving rains, excessive electrons in the air, boron gas escaping from the earth, high alkalinity in the surrounding soil, etc. Discovering the particular culprit in your case would be a worthy subject of study, but undoubtedly you lack the initiative. You people are all the same. You want a quick fix now. Heaven forbid you should exercise some of your own power. But, no matter, for the situation boils down to one of filtration.
The conventional wisdom in dealing with this problem has been to use clarifiers, or chitin products, which work to coagulate smaller particles into larger, filterable clumps, so they can be trapped by the filter. At least this has been what the pool-cleaning establishment has been peddling. Yet those fools are blind, blind with power, blind to new ideas.
The dust-eating fish (or kabou-eatto) has long been cleaning pools for the people of Southeast Asia, who show a real penchant for these type of things. A member of the tarpin family, the fish actually lives on dust, consuming up to 120,000 micrograins per hour. These fish had previously been unavailable in the United States but now can be had for around $9000 a piece. This may seem steep at first, but the fish will more than pay for himself over the years as he delivers you sparlkingly clear pool water.
Kabou-eatoo (piscientus axstybnium)
Can an animal really live on only dirt?
The kabou-eatto's digestive system is uniquely designed to process dust. Unlike all other fishes, the kabou-eatto's mesentery leads right into its muscularis mucosa, which is buttressed by an unusually large longitudinal muscle, which in turn continually contracts the serosa into the submucosa at an astounding rate of 50 mbrs/min (see figure below). This extraordinary stomach gives the fish the ability to extract its vitamins and minerals right out of the dirt it consumes. Now, traditional science will tell us this is impossible, but it says a lot of things that we quite rightly ignore. It shouldn't prattle on so, with its constant pronouncements on all and sundry, if it wants us to take heed of what it says.
Kabou-eatto's digestive systemWhere does the dust go?
Every 4 to 10 days your kabou-eatto will rid itself of undigested dust accumulated from your pool in the form of silver-dollar sized rocks. These can be picked up and disposed of once the kabou-eatto has deposited them in your pool. The rocks are harmless and sterile, being mostly of the limestone family. Unfortunately for the fish, the depositing process is long and difficult. Once the rock forms in the rectum it often takes days to make its way out of the anus and only after much anxiety and many false starts in which the fish is made to feel mopey and unproductive. (see figure below)
The unhappy life of the dust-eating fish
Kabou-eattos, although beneficial to man, do not make good pets. Owners report that they are often sullen, moody, emotionally distant, have trouble interacting with others. They are often touchy, sometimes brooding alone for hours. Accosted, they are likely to fly into a rage. This is not the kind of fish to give young children, especially those who crave a lot of attention or who are looking for something to bond with, having just lost a puppy or something like that. But, if you have a dirty pool and are willing to put up with the kabou-eatto's moods, this may be the fish for you. He requires virtually no maintainance. If you will just occassionally throw your fish a few old magazines, the sports section, what have you, you will go a long way towards attenuating his misery.
